One of the greatest compliments we’ve received as a couple – “Parang di kayo nag-aaway.” And this is actually true. J and I, we don’t fight. We discuss.
There are arguments, of course. Couples who never disagree must be a) living a lie b) burying battles c) dead. We’re too honest, both headstrong, and very much alive so I don’t think it’s ever possible not to argue. But coming from a place of deep love and utmost respect, we keep it at a discussion level. Admittedly, there are times the discussion can be a very heated one. But we’re never overly dramatic about it. No cursing. No plate throwing. No slamming of doors. No physical violence. None of the local TV drama fare.
Several rounds of discussions have taught us…
Not to sweat the small stuff. I used to be guilty of making a fuss of the littlest of things. But J’s accident made me face the truth behind the cliché “Life is short.” As for J, well, he’s always been the level-headed, more mature, cooler one. So no, we don’t fight about the toilet seat or the toothpaste. Such a waste of time and energy naman, diba?
It’s OK to sleep things over. Old school thinking: “Huwag matulog nang magkaaway.” Reality is it’s tiring, draining to discuss non-stop. Magdamag ba talaga nating gagawin ‘to? Sometimes, you do need to rest before you could think straight and figure things out. So if we can’t settle things tonight, may bukas pa.
Like love, arguments are two-way streets. All our discussions have proven pareho kaming may kasalanan or pagkukulang. It’s easier for us to acknowledge our mistakes and say “sorry” with this in mind.
Make sure it’s over. Discuss everything. Let it all out. And know that what’s done is done. Truly forgive. Sincerely move on. Dragging the past into the present can only mean major baggage. Who wants to carry that around? Not us.
Let me end this with a quote from the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith…
Jane Smith: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *don't* say to each other. What's that called?
Marriage Counselor: Marriage.
THANK GOD, we can’t relate!