25 September 2009


Could all the questions we get be proof that we’re not your usual couple?

FAQ1: Why don’t you want to have a baby?
Answer: See my “No Kidding” entry (May 2009). With all our reasons (excuses?), isn’t it obvious that we simply don’t like being Mom and Dad?

Bottom line: Freedom of Choice. We wouldn’t want to be parents just to make others happy. That would be unfair to me, to J, to the baby.

FAQ2: How about later?
Answer: Maybe.

We both made the choice in our early 20s. I’ve stood by it for a decade now. J – for almost 20 years. If one day we do have a change of heart, we’ll take responsibility for our actions. Again, bottom line is Freedom of Choice.

FAQ3: Do you dislike kids?
Answer: We love kids but we don’t want our own.

My personal conviction: to love and take care of existing kids. I see no lack of children. I see the lack of love given to children. Proof? Stories about abortion, orphans, parents who lack time for their children, abused kids, child labor, kids dying of hunger, etc.

I have a soft spot for unwanted babies. If you’re close to me you know that I’ve committed myself to one. And J shares in this commitment – made me love him more.

FAQ4: Isn’t being “childless by choice” selfish?
Answer: Judging people for their decisions is the easiest thing to do. So I’d say – whatever. I always hear about parents who have children to make sure someone takes care of them when they grow old. Now, isn’t THAT selfish?

The truth is we’re thinking about the child – we believe that s/he deserves a better world. We don’t want to gamble on his/her future.

I think people have children for all manner of reasons – sometimes out of a pure desire to nurture and witness life, sometimes out of an absence of choice, sometimes in order to hold on to a partner or create an heir, sometimes without thinking about it in any particular way. Not all the reasons to have children are the same, and not all of them are necessarily unselfish. Not all the reasons not to have children are the same, either, though. Nor are all those reasons necessarily selfish. (From “Eat, Pray Love,” 2006.)

FAQ5: Why did you buy a condo not a house and lot?
Answer: First, it’s what we can afford right now. Two, condo living perfectly fits our lifestyle and our life choices. There’s just the two of us. And we’re always on the go.

But we do plan to build our dream home – later. My parents gifted us with a lot in an exclusive Quezon City subdivision. We could build a family home there, something for all of us – J and me, my parents (although they have their own Antipolo home),my sis, my brother’s family (although they also have their own little home). The possibilities are endless. But I really want to build something for my immediate family – wherever. It doesn’t have to be in the QC lot.

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